How My Fear of Loss Became a Fear of Fire
On some level, we all know: Everyone who is etched into our being will one day vanish.
, Did I blow out the candle? Did I turn off my stove? Did I leave something burning?
Personal Shopper, The Clouds of Sils Maria,
Personal ShopperIt’s so nice out!—
She is going to leave us. One day, this will become part of our accepted narrative; Karen died young. How did I not see this before? she
Just preparing you—it’s going to get worse. Wait, we’re planning your ?
So this is how it’s going to be
It hurts like hell until I pass out. When I wake up, I am in the nurse’s office and see a wad of bloody paper towels. Dizzy, I have no idea that my first kiss is weeks away.
Oh, we are running out of time
Whatever. I’m not even New York
Hilarious. Karen, are you loving this absurdity?
Comprehend this, Suzie. She is gone. She is really gone. This is what you needed.
Personal ShopperLife as you know it is over.
Suzanne Guillette is a writer and intuitive. She is the author of Much to Your Chagrin: A Memoir of Embarrassment (Atria, 2009) and Battle Dress: What I Wore to Confront My Past (Kindle Single, 2017). She created, produced, and performed in Moving For You, a short movement-based film on the power of empathy and human connection. Her work has appeared in Tin House, O Magazine, the Rumpus, goop, and elsewhere. To learn more about her work, visit suzanne-guillette.com. You can also find her on Instagram at @suzieguillette.
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