Losing My Religion

Finding Salvation in Death Cab for Cutie

I needed her to tell me that it was okay to doubt, to yearn, for the lyrics in our headphones to mean something sacred—with or without God.

May 05, 2022
A Painting of Eve as a Brown Woman Brought Me Back to My Faith

When I looked at her, I simultaneously saw divinity, and myself. 

Sep 17, 2020
Finding God in Science

The grounding I felt in organized religion was substantial: the loss, acutely painful. I found temporary relief in all the ways nature found me wherever I lived.

Apr 21, 2020
My Body Is an Archive

I’ve published articles on examining the archive’s margins and gaps to recover women’s stories, but that won’t help me understand that girl who left her family when she could no longer live in shame.

Feb 10, 2020
Becoming My Own Woman, Without the Faith of My Childhood

I had always found a gathering of women sharing their stories and wisdom an effective way to touch the divine.

Oct 17, 2019
Why I Left My Orthodox Community in Buenos Aires

I spent so much time watching and trying to understand secular women that I never bothered to try to understand the others, the ones who never left.

Sep 26, 2019
When I Left the Cult I Was Raised In, I Learned What a Family Could Be

Spending my childhood preparing for the Apocalypse exacted a price on my ability to trust, particularly in the concept of family.

Jul 18, 2019
A Heathen’s Love Affair with Churches

Most of my formative adolescent experiences took place in churches, but it was never about god. What drove me was a feverish desire to belong.

True Love Waits: How “Saving Myself” Made Me Lose My Faith

To your church and to the world, there is nothing more dangerous than a woman wanting.

Aug 02, 2018
Glory in the Floorlamps: How the Theatre Became My Church

Both church and theatre demand from their followers the suspension of disbelief, and the ability to inhabit an imaginary set of circumstances in lieu of the known.

Jan 02, 2018
The Nonbeliever

“The Lord either saw me unfit to visit—or it was that other thing, that lightless tunnel, that labyrinth turned endless maze.”

Oct 26, 2017
The One About the Orthodox Jewish Woman and the Rabbi’s Wife

“I saw that God I’d been so determined to believe in not as an absolute, but as a construct that couldn’t take a joke.”

Sep 12, 2017
Jesus Christ is Now Following You!

“When will American Christians put two and two together and start acting like their Savior?”

Sep 07, 2017
The Oil Cross: On Being Raised to Wage Spiritual Warfare

They were fallen angels, Satan’s henchmen, and they were everywhere.

Mar 29, 2017
Almost: On Catholicism, Belief, and Belonging

“I wanted to be the one Father Tom winked at, the one whose hair he gently touched with his large, sturdy hands.”

Feb 01, 2017
The Lord’s Supper

“If you let God in and then don’t let him out again, what happens to your body?”

Oct 04, 2016
From Atheism to the Cosmic

“Finding solace through trusting God became frustrating.”

Breaking the Horse

God has given you a special task, they said. Save your mother’s soul.

Jul 26, 2016
The Book in the Box

Getting trashed was my way of announcing who I was: not Mormon.

Jul 19, 2016
With Non-Believing Feet on Holy Ground

“I am not in awe of God, but I am in awe of faith.”

Jul 12, 2016