Bodies

Finally, at Fifty, I Can See Myself

I participated in the betrayal of my face because it’s easy to do when your thoughts about beauty are colonized and your appearance is a battleground.

Aug 05, 2020
Murder Nights

It was as if I needed a third surgery, a reconstruction. I needed the surgeon to rebuild what he tore out.

Jun 02, 2020
Playing Ophelia Helped Me Navigate My Own Grief

She sings and speaks in lewd riddles, mourning her father’s untimely death and her abandonment by Hamlet, her lover.

How Bodywork Helped Me Find Healing From Trauma

Though I couldn’t articulate it at the time, I somehow knew that both relief and release were no longer optional. They were necessities.

Car Crashes, Climate Change, and Mothering Through Catastrophe

I recall a 2016 headline that warned, ‘Orangutans face complete extinction within ten years.’ Nash will be thirteen in 2026.

Treating My Diabetes Meant Facing My Eating Disorder All Over Again

I posed the question to her, earnestly, seriously: If given the choice, would she rather gain weight or would she rather die?

Mar 12, 2020
How Transition Changed My Rigid Expectations of Masculinity

Obtaining a perfect grasp of masculinity was not my goal when I decided to transition, but I certainly did feel the pressure to try.

Nov 07, 2019
A Body on the Fritz: How We’ve Been Conditioned to See Ourselves as Machines

I do not believe in a soul but these past six months of illness, I am guilty of dislocating, of clinging to magic. Of wanting relief. Of being sick of being sick.

Nov 05, 2019
My Body, My Story

What I forgot, for years and years, were the details of what my body experienced at the time. But my body did not forget.

Oct 07, 2019
When Chronic Pain Dulls My Senses, Perfume Helps Me Reclaim Them

I learned that kind of hard-won glamour; that we should have beauty, however much the world wants to keep it from us.

Sep 30, 2019
Muscle Memory

I don’t recognize the future version of me the doctor describes. To remain myself, I must prove him wrong.

Aug 12, 2019
Body Boundaries, Indian Culture, and Healing Enough to Be Mothers to Our Mothers

My relationship with food was a combination of deep love, reverence, and guilt—making it impossible for me to give it up.

Jul 08, 2019
Fat and Fetishized: Understanding the Power and Worth of a Body That Blooms

The secret of the beauty of our bodies is slowly starting to get out, becoming less and less niche each day. And I hope it moves faster.

Jun 06, 2019
What to Expect When You Didn’t Expect a Preemie

After you have a preemie, but before you get to take your baby home, the world keeps going without you. It’s shocking, honestly, how much the world keeps going.

Jun 06, 2019
On Violations, Macarons, and the Pursuit of Beauty I Can Control

It felt as though I had been evicted from my own body, and it had been trashed in my absence. My resentment was as precise as any recipe.

Leaving IVF, and Its Promise and Possibility, Behind

I felt a down spell in my persistent belief in possibility—a sense that something within me once felt unremitting, but had since been stretched to its limit.

May 01, 2019
Less Than 1% of Military Divers are Women—I Was One of Them

Contrary to its reputation as an extreme sport, freediving has meditative aspects.

Apr 12, 2019
A History of Premature Births, Including My Own

Dr. Couney settled in the United States in 1903, when he began exhibiting incubator babies on Coney Island every summer. “Infant Incubators With Living Babies,” the sign above the building read.

Apr 03, 2019
To See or Not to See

I just wanted to believe my eyes were magic, that only I could see things that existed below the surface.

The Weight of Words: Self-Acceptance Doesn’t Have to Be a Solo Journey

I don’t want my self-worth to hinge on a relationship. But vulnerability is a practice, and for me, it has been a valuable one.

Mar 14, 2019