Nobody tells you this about motherhood.
Why? Because you are NOT supposed to complain.
Along with your sparkling little eyes came fear disguised in a lump in the throat, in existential thoughts, in the sudden realisation of the complexity and simplicity of death.
I became aware of my own death. I realised that you could die too, and I needed you and you needed me.
And you were in my arms, fragile, new to life, yet, so powerful and demanding. I was needed 24/7. Who is prepared for that?
I was told, "You can`t complain."
"Of coure I can," I grumbled. Revealing all the faces of motherhood doesn`t make me a better or worse mum, it just makes me HUMAN. Far from perfect. It is other people`s own inaccurate presupposition that mums are almighty, or at least, they would never ever dare complain. It is just not right.
When you came into my life all my childhood memories started haunting me. Anything could happen to you. I had to heal you even if I didn't know how to heal myself. Yet, it worked for you.
You are you, my baby girl. It looks logical, even foolish to state it. However, it seems too hard to comprehend. You are different. You are not me (thank God) and you don´t belong to me.
You are magic.