Cover Photo: Metastatic Lesion by Chris Okum

Metastatic Lesion

This man is one of the all-time great animal trainers. He should be in the hall of fame. Is there a hall of fame for animal trainers? Nope. Ugh. This doesn't taste artificial. I don't think it's artificial. I think it's real. Well that's not good. Because it's supposed to taste artificial. And that's fine. I don't mind. I like the taste of artificial. There's nothing wrong with artificial. It's good for you. It tastes new. I don't like the taste of the real. The real tastes old. No one wants to eat old food. That's why they make new food. So I say have as much as I want. Because the results are in. And who wants to read the results? No one. I heard there's a cheeseburger that tastes so incredible and feels so good in your mouth and you could eat one one of these cheeseburgers once a day for one hundred days straight and the last cheeseburger would taste just as good as the first cheeseburger. Doesn't that sound great? Kind of? I don't know. But I do know something about the hips. The bones in the hip are the bones most susceptible to necrosis. Why? I don't know. I'm not worried about it. But enough about necrosis and old bones. Please let me introduce Jose Juarez. Jose was first introduced to the Rolling Stones during his stay at Mr. Glenn's compound  in Costa Rica. This was when Jose was twelve years old and a good little soldier. Mr. Glenn was helping to fund the activities of Communist Jungle Faction (CJF). Jose was being indoctrinated into the CJF. Mr. Glenn oversaw Jose's indoctrination. Mr. Glenn handed Jose a gun and showed him a picture of an old man. Mr. Glenn said, This man is a theatre director and a part-time playwright and this man is an enemy of the state and your first activity is to shoot this man as many times as you can until he is no longer breathing. Mr. Glenn put the old man's picture right up to Jose's face. Bill handed Jose a Pepsi. Charlie stood in the back and never took off his sunglasses. This happened the year they had the Olympics in Los Angeles. Every night that summer there was a purple sky full of black helicopters. And then on August 18, 1984 Nobel Prize Winner  (2010) Mario Vargas Llhosa's wife left him for a high ranking CJF officer. But here's what I really think. I think hip surgery is imminent. But I'm not worried. I read something. A piece of paper. It said, Out of every one hundred cheeseburgers you will like one hundred. But what if what I like is the unpredictable? Who knows? You don't know when it is going to happen but you know it is going to happen, has to happen, and so that's why when it does happen it feels so right. Maybe. Maybe I should just go ahead and get a second opinion. But really, seriously, I'm not worried. I know it doesn't sound good, though. Maybe it just sounds at lot worse than it looks. I don't know if that's better than it looking a lot worse than it sounds. But it's probably nothing. Anyway. I want two cheeseburgers with ketchup only. And a Pepsi. A large Pepsi. With crushed ice. In a styrofoam cup, not a plastic cup. Onion rings? Nope. I don't think so. That's fine. I don't mind.