And she flies freely into the world
I am publishing a book right now. Of course I am self publishing, but the end result is in sight and it is still scintilating. It is about my journey with mental illness, mostly documenting the two years before my most recent mental breakdown in 2016. There is commentary on my understanding of mental illness in our current society and there are many blog posts as well as a few poems in the end. It is about 250 pages and I am proud. I am ready, ready to send this tome out into the world.
But it took a little bit to get ready. What could have been a very quick process, was slowed down by me wanting the expert eye of my husband who is still recovering from a major surgery. Also the piece has been emotional for him to read so he can only do a little at a time. I am thankful for his critical eye that is used to curing over literature on a daily basis.
And the book is good. What started as just throwing together random pieces of writing has turned into quite a complete book or manifesto. I am looking forward to pursuing the path of writing and am already working on my second book, "Memiorish", maybe out the beginning of 2019. What a path I have begun. What a journey. All it takes is continuing to sit at my computer and keep writing. It may also mean living on $20 a day, but that is doable. I am an artist, a disabled artist, and I am willing to accept this.
So, publish or perish? Perhaps not. I will not perish if I do not push forward. I am not about to let my ego go unchecked, and I am still doing a lot of spiritual work in this arena. I write to reflect, I write about me and my process, I write.... I suppose I write because I enjoy it. I hope it will benefit somebody and change somebody. I like to be heard, and I like to hear myself. I like to be reassured that I am alive and my veins are pumping with golden luminous blood. That I am worthy. And I am. I see this now, as my first book is on the doorstep of the world.
So, here we go. At 38 I have found my calling. I am humbled, and I have many years before me. If I have learned anything from the writing process and path so far it is that patience is key. It is that stepping back and not rushing as well as taking it slow allows things to become clear. I have always believed, mostly from being a painter, and a singer, that overworked and edited art is not good. We need to preserve and honor everything pure about our creativity, and the best thing is to allow ourselves to be seen through our work. This results in amateur work, that is sometimes our best, and pieces that we may never understand ourselves. But at least they are there in pure form for us to understand as the years pass. God is speaking through me as I pour my soul into a piece of work and often he is speaking to me. This makes me think of my barn full of paintings that I will have to visit again. They reveal more as they age. It is a beautiful thing.
I may be aging but I too am also budding. I am becoming who I am. I am learning every day, and as my hair grays, as I develop more minor health issues upon my major ones, I do not give up the fight to wellness. Check out Amazon in the search for Glass Slippers through Dog Ear Publishing in January. I hope the book will be there for you to buy. It is on it's way, flying its own journey, taking on its own flight. I will follow as it leads me on the beginning journey of becoming an author. I am grateful for this blessing.