And she flies freely into the world
I am publishing a book right now. Of course I am self publishing, but the end result is in sight, and it is still scintillating. It is about my journey with mental illness, mostly documenting the two years before my most recent mental breakdown, in 2016. There is commentary on my understanding of mental illness in our current society, and there are many blog posts, as well as a few poems in the end. It is about 250 pages, and I am proud. I am ready, ready to send this tome out into the world.
But it took a little bit to get ready. What could have been a very quick process, was slowed down by me wanting the expert eye of my husband, who is still recovering from a major surgery. Also, the piece has been emotional for him to read, so he can only do a little at a time. I am thankful for his critical eye that is used to curing over literature on a daily basis.
And the book is good. What started as just throwing together random pieces of writing, has turned into quite a complete book or manifesto. I am looking forward to pursuing the path of writing, and am already working on my second book, "Questing Sanity", hopefully to be published in 2020. What a path I have begun. What a journey. All it takes is continuing to sit at my computer, and to keep writing. (Thank you, catapult.co, for igniting inspiration.) It may also mean living on $20 a day, but that is doable. I am an artist, a disabled artist, and I am willing to accept this.
So, publish or perish? Perhaps not. I will not perish if I do not push forward. I am not about to let my ego go unchecked, and I am still doing a lot of spiritual work in this arena. I write to reflect, I write about myself and my process, I write.... I suppose I write because I enjoy it. I hope it will benefit somebody and change somebody. I like to be heard, and I like to hear myself. I like to be reassured that I am alive, and that my veins are pumping with golden luminous blood. That I am worthy. And I am. I see this now, as my first book is on the doorstep to the world.
So, here we go. At 38, I have found my calling. I am humbled, and I have many years before me. If I have learned anything from the writing process and path so far, it is that patience is key. It is that stepping back and not rushing, as well as taking it slow, allows things to become clear. I have always believed, mostly from being a painter, and a singer, that overworked and edited art is not good. We need to preserve and honor everything pure about our creativity; and the best thing is to allow ourselves to be seen through our work. This results in amateur work, that is sometimes our best, and pieces that we may never understand, ourselves. But at least they are there in pure form for us to understand as the years pass. God is speaking through me as I pour my soul into a piece of work, and often he is speaking to me. This makes me think of my barn full of paintings, that I will have to visit yet again. They reveal more as they age. It is a beautiful thing.
I may be aging, but I too am also budding. I am becoming who I am, truly. I am learning every day, and as my hair grays, as I develop more minor health issues on top of my major ones, that I shall not give up the fight to wellness. Check out Amazon, or Barnes and Noble online, in the search for "Glass Slippers - A Journey of Mental Illness", Dog Ear Publishing, in January of 2018. I hope the book will be there for you to buy. It is on its way, flying its own journey, taking on its own flight. I will follow as it leads me on this beginning journey of becoming an author. I am grateful and blessed.