9/18/18 | Love
I'm perpetually heart-broken over the non-existent love I manifest within my own head
I don’t know how many more times I expect myself to endure this constant battle
Between the highs of your attention
And the lows of going to bed night after night alone
It is an inevitable disappointment of never hearing from you again.
Like a breeze on a summer afternoon
You’re here one minute
And gone the next.
And I fall for the same trick every time, like a broken record continually spinning
It seems like it never ends
And just when I think it’s over, it isn’t.
I am fooled once again under the false pretenses of love and all its facets
I suppose my cynicism drives the ongoing battle of hating yet craving this blank love
Because it never seems to flourish into something real or true
Yet I always believe deep down that maybe it will
If I didn’t feel as much pressure to have love, maybe this predicament wouldn’t exist
But we value love in all its forms
The weight of a thousand words get heavier and heavier when someone asks where my love is
I thought it was here, but it isn’t.
I seem to be surrounded by lies the more I fall deeper into the ploy of love
Though the nights of crying myself to sleep are far and few between
Id be lying if I said they didn’t occur.
I must allow myself the vulnerability of admitting the challenges of love
Yet flourish in the revelation that I am worthy of love
When the time is right
And I won’t need to compromise my whole self
To appease the love that took time to develop and grow
Because with time, things will age and mature
And the love I seek will reveal itself
And no more will the love in my head remain there
It will be real.