Why I Cannot Write About My Father
“There is no word that explains how girls love absent fathers.”
I’ve finished the book, can we chat?
I wondered, as I had many times before, if it was my lack of a relationship with my father that made these big moments go askew. When I passed the bar, when I signed with an agent, thoughts of my father flitted into my mind, impossible to shoo away. These were the kinds of accomplishments I knew made many parents beam with pride. I want my father to be proud of me, but how can he feel pride for someone he doesn’t know and didn’t raise?
even though we are far apart/you are always in my heart
I still have the slam poems about him, written in college, tucked away somewhere with my sociology notebooks. I often thought of mailing him one of those poems, but I never did. Despite everything he’d done, I ached at the thought of hurting him. Poetry leant itself to how I understood my father—in bits and pieces, bright flashes in a story otherwise full of gaps. But there have been no finished essays about him. I cannot see him clearly enough to sustain page after page. I abandon each attempt, ashamed of my inability to capture clear memories and descriptions.
Lucie Witt is a writer, recovering attorney, and gender studies professor. She lives with her big, noisy family in Louisville, Kentucky. You can find her on Twitter (@Lucie_Witt) or at luciewitt.com.
Enter your email address to receive notifications for author Lucie Witt
Success!
Confirmation link sent to your email to add you to notification list for author Lucie Witt
More in this series
Fasting With Children
“Fasting has been a source of comfort, a way to become closer to God. All that changed when I had children.”
The Invisibles: American Polarization and the Reality Gap
“The fracturing of our political reality is a wound a long time in the making.”
How to Coauthor a Book and Stay Good Friends
“You should absolutely burn a penis candle before doing anything important.”