A Chronology of Touch
“The desire and the wrongness both, inseparable, pulled at me.”
The Young and the Restless
Kayla Whaley is a senior editor at Disability in Kidlit, a graduate of the Clarion Writers' Workshop, and an MFA candidate in creative nonfiction at the University of Tampa. Her work has appeared at The Toast, The Establishment, Uncanny Magazine, Michigan Quarterly Review, and in Here We Are: Feminism for the Real World, among other venues. She can usually be found being overly sincere on the internet.
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“I need a new way to eat,” I say. The nutritionist nods and says, “You want to lose some weight while we’re at it, right?”
Nothing had changed from the night before—except for the certainty that everything had changed. Food as I had always known it was now in the past.
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Whether it’s postponing motherhood or dreams of the perfect dog, the most painful steps to living the life you want are often the most necessary.
It isn’t my job to bear as much pain as I possibly can to prove that I am somehow worthy of becoming a mother. Why is it so hard to remember this?