Grieving My Father—And My Book—By Building a Dollhouse
My book haunted me, as did Lizzie Borden. I thought by making something with my hands, I could transform that fear into care.
Blood Box. mymy
You are not my daughter.Because you grew up with a sister who had died before you, because we did not hide it from you, that is why you’re fucking up your body.Your mother’s inability to conceal her grief is why your gender and sexuality is wrong.
Zefyr Lisowski is a disabled trans Southerner living in New York City. She’s a poetry co-editor at Apogee Journal and the author of the Lizzie Borden queer murder chapbook Blood Box (Black Lawrence Press 2019). Her work has appeared in Waxwing, The Offing, The Rumpus, and many other places. She lives at zeflisowski.com and elsewhere.
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I believe so strongly in the beauty and autonomy of body transformation, but I’m worried that will erase the small visible echoes of my (and my mother’s) history of survival.