Cover Photo: This image is a photograph of the author. She wears a bright-red jumpsuit, hoop earrings, and her hair in loose ponytails. She sits cross-legged on the floor against a bright red background.
Photograph courtesy by Sela Shiloni

The Skinny, in Numbers

This essay was written by Courtney Kocak in Chloe Caldwell's 12-Month Essay Collection Generator

Girl Gone Wild

“The Skinny, in Numbers,” is excerpted from that collection.

This is the healthiest I’ve ever been,” I say.

Who reported it? Was there guessing involved? If not, was it naked at-home post toilet or like a doctor’s office situation? that

The Karen Carpenter Story

So that’s how you do it,

A-students are boring. B-students are cooler, more fun, and have better priorities in life, insists my thinnest, blondest, most perfectionist grad school professor. I try not to roll my eyes in front of her. We both know she weighs herself twice a day, and so do I. She gives me a B. Wow, what a cool bitch! I’m tempted to go over to her house and break her scale.

My calories.

beezer—my new drink of choice. I've always gravitated towards uppers. I like my heart to be working out even when I'm sitting still. When I was single, I had an amazing night of sex with someone new. He opened my fridge the next morning and couldn't believe his eyes. Oh wow, this is crazy. He took a picture of the contents, which were three half-empty DMD bottles, and sent it to his friend. Then the tall, handsome bread-maker looked me dead in the eyes and said, I don't think I could date someone who doesn't keep food in their fridge.

Courtney is currently the executive producer of PayPal’s Never Stand Still reboot hosted by CEO Dan Schulman. She also co-hosts Private Parts Unknown, a podcast about love and sexuality around the world. Her previous podcasting experience includes managing producer for Girlboss Radio, executive producer of The Bellas Podcast (hosted by WWE Hall of Famers the Bella Twins), writing for Netflix’s Know It All podcast, and more. Last year, Courtney’s KCRW radio story about Maebe A. Girl won an LA Press Club award for gender/LGBTQ reporting. Her other credits include The New York Times Magazine, The Washington Post, LA Times, and Amazon’s Emmy-winning animated series Danger & Eggs.