Music as Memory

I’m only 15. I come home from a September day at the park and listen to “Fractions,” innocent at my first glimpse into a first love; “It’s good to see you, I missed you last night, that’s such a lovely color, it goes with your eyes.”

*

I walk back from the bus with my shoulder bag and my textbooks as the late autumn sun sinks down, until it’s dark completely, until my sadness is hidden in the night sky; Coldplay is in my ear; “Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you.”

*

I drive around my neighborhood at dusk; I’ve been anxious, I want to clear my head, I want to pass the neat suburban homes on the tree-lined streets, I want to feel the peak of summer, and I want to make a wish; “Airplanes” is on the radio, a pop hit on top of the charts; “Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?; I could really use a wish right now.”

*

I watch photos of me with my friends over the past few years on my television screen; we just graduated from college, we don’t know where we will end up, but we know we are young, and we know that we can fly; “Ride of Your Life,” echoes throughout the montage; “Don’t let fear of falling hold you down, you’re glory bound; come on, here’s your chance, don’t let it slip right through your hands, are you ready for the time of your life?”

*

I know there’s something between us, even if I’m not ready to jump just yet; but last night, as August came to a close, we came together so effortlessly, so organically; I’m in my bedroom, and I’m thinking of him, of us, as “Mexico” plays softly, in the background; “All the way to the shore,of California Bay, and I’ll be fine, 'cause I am taking you back for the last time.”

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