Movies I Watched in 2015

Okay, this is my list of movies! Lots of good stuff this year. 70 movies! That's a lot! Lots to recommend.

I'm not sure what my goals are for 2016. I might try for more foreign films. We'll see!

1. The Tale of Princess Kaguya

         AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Seeing this on the big screen may have ruined my life for good. Please watch this movie.

2. The Kingdom of Dreams and Madness

         A really interesting look into the world of Studio Ghibli. It made me respect The Wind Rises, a film I initially disliked, a whole lot more.

3. Walk Hard

        This was fine. Some standout scenes. I’m glad Mallory Ortberg loves it as much as she does.

4. Inherent Vice

        What a weird movie! I probably shouldn’t have seen it high. I want a video of Josh Brolin eating the frozen banana on repeat on my tombstone.

5. The Skeleton Twins

       Super depressing. Would watch again if I felt like crying.

6. Frank

         Maggie Gyllenhaal was my favorite part of this weird quest for artistic inspiration. Seriously hilarious.

7. The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

         Total garbage. A stain upon Middle Earth. Never watch this. Don’t do it.

8. The Babadook

         Terrifying but emotionally satisfying. One of my favorite horror movie endings in a good long while.

9. Selma

         I don’t really like biopics, but the direction in this film really set it apart for me. The bridge scene is hard to watch, and even though I knew about the Birmingham bombing, I wasn’t prepared to witness it.

10. Wild

         Pretty okay. Definitely a prestige film. I hope Reese took a long shower after filming it.

11. The Brady Bunch Movie

         I honestly don’t know why I decided to watch this. I mean, I liked it, but come on, Kyle.

12. Weekend

        Essentially the gay Before Sunrise, so obviously it destroyed me. I bought the Criterion Collection Blu-Ray; that’s how much I loved it.

13. Eternal Amazon

        An excellent documentary focusing on those living in the Amazon and how they’re protecting the environment. One of the few documentaries that actually made me hopeful about the future.

14. Jupiter Ascending

         Astoundingly terrible, would watch for the rest of my life. Channing’s gun barks. Bees. Eddie Redmayne screams “I CREATE LIFE”. Watch it.

15. Fifty Shades of Gray

        Bad don’t do it

16. The Last Five Years

         Loved it. Anna Kendrick is remarkable. I’m still listening to the soundtrack. It’s coming to Netflix soon and is absolutely worth your time.

17. Song of the Sea

         Noooooooooooo too pretty and Irish. Please watch this movie so they’ll make more gorgeous Irish films.

18. The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water

        Way better than it had any right to be. Funnier than the first movie for sure! I liked the team-up of Plankton and SpongeBob.

19. The Facilitator

        Weird pseudo-drama-documentary from South America. Not sure what the point was, and it had a bit of ‘white savior’ going for it too.

20. Marimbas del Infierno

         The cutest little documentary about Guatemalan death metal musicians you’ll ever see.

21. Going Clear

         SCIENTOLOGY IS AWFUL!

22. It Follows

         One of the best ‘aesthetic’ horror movies to ever exist. Also, what the hell year was it???? It was super creepy and weird.

23. Avengers: Age of Ultron

         Honestly pretty boring? Vision was cool, but I didn’t really like how Tony was absolved of blame just because Ultron’s program came from the infinity stone. He still unlocked it!

24. Ex Machina

        One of the best and tightest movies of the year.

25. Mad Max: Fury Road

         Absolutely 100% the best movie of 2015. Nothing else even comes close. The action, the characters, the colors… I will watch this movie forever.

26. A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night

         Black and white Iranian vampire movie. It’s on Netflix. You know what you must do.

27. God Help the Girl

         Firmly in my “this is kind of crap but I really like it” camp. The music was really catchy. I still listen to the soundtrack.

28. Papadopolous & Sons

         I watched this for Stephen Dillane. This was not a worthwhile endeavor.

29. Obvious Child

         Jenny Slate is my bride. She nailed this one. Such a solid movie.

30. What We Do in the Shadows

         Astoundingly hilarious. New Zealand seems like it fucking sucks.

31. A Single Man

         Watched immediately after finishing the book so I could cry even more. I love you, Colin Firth.

32. Batman

         I liked this a lot more than the Nolan ones. It embraced the goofiness of Batman, which I think is key. Burton’s Gotham was phenomenally designed, too.

33. Spy

         Good silly fun! Much better than the ad campaign made it look. Miranda Hart needs to make her way into more Hollywood comedies. She’s my favorite.

34. Kumiko the Treasure Hunter

         This movie was great but it really bummed me out and I probably shouldn’t watch it again. You can watch it, though! Go for it!

35. Nightcrawler

         What a creepy motherfucker! Jake sure has been doing some crazy roles lately. I applaud him for it.

36. Jurassic World

         Dumb! Dumb dumb dumb! Dinosaurs deserve better than this.

37. Inside Out

         Fantastic. Amy Poehler nailed it. Loved the message. Absolutely belongs in the upper echelon of Pixar films.

38. Hot Girls Wanted

        PORN IS BAD!!!!!

39. Seven Days in Hell

         Oh, right. The Andy Samberg tennis thing. Uh. Well, the simulated orgy scene was total genius, that’s for sure.

40. Seventh Son

         Absolutely terrible. One of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. Seriously. It’s an embarrassment.

41. Ant-Man

         A cute movie. I really liked that Paul Rudd didn’t try to win back Judy Greer. She moved on, and he respected that! That was nice.

42. Trainwreck

         Needed more Schumer-type jokes, less Apatow-style drama. But Amy herself was lovely, and Bill Hader never seemed so attractive.

43. Tig

         Tig is great! This was mostly stuff I already knew. Still nice!

44. Only Lovers Left Alive

         Another that falls into the ‘aesthetic’ category for me. Bored immortals are cool.

45. Threesome

         I certainly did watch this one!

46. Welcome to Me

         Kristen Wiig did a great job, and I’m always stoked to see Joan Cusack do literally anything. This was a weird one, though.

47. Listen Up Philip

         Worth it for the sequence entirely about Elisabeth Moss’ character moving past her breakup.

48. Addicted to Fresno

         A cute little thing with Judy Greer and Natasha Lyonne, my eternal favorites. Worth a watch.

49. Dear White People

         I stopped about 20 minutes in on my first try because it seemed too simplistic, but gave it another shot and was pleasantly surprised. The lead actress had a great voice.

50. Queen of Earth

         I am so excited to follow Elisabeth Moss’ film career forever. She’s a fantastic actor. I will always miss Peggy but Moss will continue to inhabit remarkable roles.

51. Ricki and the Flash

         I loved this movie more than anyone should. It has a bloated midsection but Meryl is great and it ended with a wedding so obviously I cried.

52. The End of the Tour

         I really wanted them to bang, even though I know that didn’t happen. Jason Segel was great. I should probably finish Infinite Jest.

53. The Visit

       Creepy as heck!!!!!!

54. Defending Your Life

         How had I never seen this wonderful film before now? I love Albert Brooks! I love Meryl! I love early ‘90s love!

55. Death Becomes Her   

         A ludicrous, delightful film. It should be remade with the same actresses, but the lesbian subtext would be the text.

56. Shrek the Third

         Awful. Felt like direct-to-video garbage. So boring. Don’t do it. There aren’t even bizarre sex jokes.

57. The Shining

         I knew everything about this movie, but I have never actually seen the whole thing! So I went to a drive-in theater and it was absolutely terrifying.

58. Shrek Forever After

          SHOCKINGLY GOOD? There was a WITCH RAVE and ACTUAL EMOTIONAL STAKES. Please watch this movie. Don’t leave me all alone.

59. Crimson Peak

         Gorgeous and falsely advertised as horror. Much more of a ghost story. Jessica Chastain deserves an Oscar but the Academy will obviously ignore this film.

60. Do I Sound Gay?

         Cool documentary about white male gay culture, something I’ve been trying to learn more about since I am one. Nice to see David Sedaris. I do a great impression of him.

61. The Peanuts Movie

         A very faithful adaptation of the Charlie Brown mythos. I was happy they gave the poor kid a win, even though that goes against the point of the series. What else could they do? Linus deserved a bigger role, but the high concentration of Patty and Marcy made me very happy.

62. Seymour: An Introduction

         Incredibly inspiring documentary about achieving your dreams and the true nature of success. Seymour himself is such a wonderful man. I’m glad Ethan decided to make a movie about him.

63. Spotlight

         It’s going to win Best Picture. Mark Ruffalo and Rachel McAdams should be nominated, and Ruffalo should win.

64. The Good Dinosaur

         AKA: “The World Wants You Dead, Little Dinosaur”. It was a pretty brutal movie for kids! Naturally, I loved it. Also super duper pretty.

65. Ten Thousand Saints

         Ethan Hawke as stoner dad. Need I say more? Yes. Krishna-Core. Great movie.

66. Election

         Reese Witherspoon was a delight. I wish more time had been spent with the lesbian sister but I still enjoyed this overall. Matthew Broderick was a delightful creep.

67. The Way He Looks

         A Brazilian gay coming-of-age movie where no one dies! How is that even possible? Obviously I loved it, and I can guiltlessly recommend it to my fellow gays!

68. Tangerine

         This movie was a little too loud and crass for my liking, but the actresses did a great job. It seems like it was a blast to film, on three iPhones, no less. I want to see more trans actors in film in 2016.

69. Star Wars: The Force Awakens

         I loved it. I love Finn, I love Rey, I love Poe and his mouth, I love Star Wars and I’m so glad I can love it again.

70. Carol

         CAROL. CAROL. CAROL. CAROL. AMAZING. PHENOMENAL. SEXUAL. WATCH THIS MOVIE AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.

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