Death and My Bird Brain

Jay Kettering

May 21, 2016

After I took the picture I thought of death.

Walking along the Maclay Flat trail today I saw a Robin. It was just a Robin, still, I couldn't resist. It was posing for me, and after all, it was a Robin.

After I took the picture I thought of death. I'm not sure why, perhaps because it was raining and I was feeling out-of-shape. There's not even a goose bump of an incline on this trail and yet I could feel tingling in the toe of my right foot, the one next to the big toe. And my chest felt tight. And that's not right, right? And I was really feeling my stomach, like it was leading the way down the trail, and it was, but it's still not fair, I ate at Subway before my walk, intentionally avoiding Taco Johns. Okay, I still got a Coke, but who was the one taking a walk here?

Anyway, I was thinking if I had a heart attack at that moment, someone would be along. It's a pretty heavily used trail even when it's raining like today. But would they come along in time and would it be someone who has had CPR training or would it just be some young English major walking along devoting the majority of her attention to her iPhone? She would surely just step over me or on me and if she did make eye contact it would be of the kind that is made when I am walking upright—she would only see old person debris—no need to stop and ask questions or push on my chest.

With the knowledge that I would not be saved by the next English major to come along, I had to start thinking about dying right there and then on the trail. And death thoughts usually lead to thoughts about religion and philosophy and today was no different, but today I was particularly concentrating on my soul and really hoping I had one.

And when I think of having a soul and taking my last breath my mind always bends in the direction of birds. Why not? I mean, come on, how do you think we came up with the idea for angels in the first place? It had to be by some guy who was staring at a bird at the time, right? I can't think of any other explanation.

And so, if you're wondering where I'm going with all this, the answer is, yes. Yes, I think you can take a picture of a soul. Especially on a rainy day.