Anxiety Avalanche in the Time of Covid

As if 2020 wasn't isolating enough - being kept prisoners' to our own homes - 2021 has descended upon us with a new kind of isolation where we are trapped within our own heads. Relationships are magnified, past traumas take center stage, and catastrophization of every nuance is on a downward spiral without the bottom of the well in sight.

Sound familiar? You're not alone.

Though we have Zoom, FaceTime, Microsoft Teams, and all the other interactive communication platforms, intimacy has faded. Friends, family, and even coworkers are hidden behind screens. Do they still exist as we remember them? Maybe or maybe not. If nothing else, the last year has brought to light the inherently good in those within our inner circles and highlighted the toxicity in people we once loved and may have otherwise not have seen if it weren't for such extreme dichotomies and unprecedented unknowns.

Sound familiar? You're not alone.

“Thoughts that have never crossed my mind are now becoming reality,” a friend recently told me. While here in the US, divorce rates don’t seem to be negatively affected by the Coronavirus, many countries across the globe are reporting surges in the number of couples filing for divorce. Being trapped with your partner, your soulmate even, takes a toll when there is no escape or outlet to vent. Resentment builds upon itself until the road to recovery becomes unnavigable. Many weddings planned for 2020 and 2021 have been postponed indefinitely. Some have been canceled altogether. And those aren’t the only relationships hurting.

In my own family, individuals have turned on one another. The 2020 political antics are mostly to blame with some people being strong believers that the “China flu” is a hoax and masks and social distancing are not necessary while others remain devote followers of Dr. Anthony Fauci. People once on my “in case of emergency” list have dropped off the face of the planet once clashes in beliefs came to light.

Sound familiar? You're not alone.

Both friends and family find resentment in those who are not suffering in the same capacity. Some people are single and all alone every day - no doubt a lonely place to be. Some people are with their multiple children all day long every day with school closures - no doubt an overly social, perhaps chaotic, place to be. Some people have spent the last year with only one other person. Comparing ourselves to one another is playing on a slippery slope and will not only yield no positive results, but also only build resentment. The fact remains the same: we have all suffered in some capacity this last year.

Over the years, I’ve been fortunate enough to build up a rather robust toolkit to cope with anxiety, but even with all my tricks, I find myself captive to my own mind at times. Trigger events from years ago resurface for no known reason at no given time. Why am I focusing on an event that took place seven years ago? Why am I having dreams of traumatic events from my childhood that I haven’t given a single thought in years? Why am I analyzing every single deviation from the daily routine? I am not a mental health expert, but I am an advocate; I know my reactions are not rational, and I know that I am not alone. In a recent interview with a local therapist, she noted that of her 17 clients, many of whom were functioning well pre-pandemic, all are in bad mental places right now.

Add together the isolation, relationship stress, and the re-awakening of trauma and we’ve created the perfect storm for a mental meltdown. Just like the Coronavirus, anxiety is highly contagious. It feeds on itself; and before we realize it, a small snowball of worry has grown into an avalanche of anxiety. While catastrophizing can be debilitating and unavoidable, it is a reality for so many of us right now. There is no answer to when things will return to normal - or if they even will.

When my legs feel too heavy to take even one step forward, I think back to my pal Dory and remind myself to “just keep swimming.”

You're not alone.

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