Accepting Your Child is All Grown Up

It’s never easy to accept that your kid is all grown up. I remember the shock I felt when my eldest daughter first told me that she had a boyfriend. Granted, she was six, and it was a boy she held hands with in preschool, but it was the first moment when I actually thought: Wow, she really is going to grow up one day. So, as I was taking pictures of her and her friends (and embarrassing her by tearing up) I remembered all the little moments leading up to that special event.

I always thought I was a cool mom. I always allowed my kids to be whoever they want to be and supported them in all of their endeavors. They tried all the sports and most instruments, and I tried to be there for every game and every performance. However, I remember the first time my daughter asked me if she could go to a dance class on her own. She was 12 years old and the studio was just two blocks away in quite a peaceful neighborhood, so I knew she would be safe, but my heart still broke a little because those walks were our special time together. She would tell me about her day, her secrets and her plans, and to lose that was devastating to me. I thought that she didn’t want to spend time with me anymore. But, after a while, I came up with some new ideas. I taught her how to sew and bake the family staples, and in the morning while I was drinking my coffee, I’d make her a cup of cocoa and we would tell each other our plans for the day and give each other strength to face any potential challenges. So, that is my first advice: Don’t think that they don’t want to spend time with you just because they are doing some things on their own.

A few weeks back, when we went shopping to find a perfect dress for her once-in-a-lifetime school formal, I nearly got a heart attack when I saw the length – or the lack thereof – of the dresses she chose. But then I remembered the time when I was younger, and how much I wanted to dress like my friends and copy the style of our idols. And sure, the styles have changed: the heels are higher and the makeup is darker, but there isn’t much difference in the philosophy. And there is my advice number two: Accept that the times have changed, and that their marks of adulthood will be different than yours.

And when she and her friends got in the car with her dad and drove to the party that they will remember for the rest of their lives – or forget within a month – I put my other daughter to sleep and realized that this is the first time in a while that I’ve had some peaceful time for myself. That night, I finally finished knitting a blanket that I had started working on years ago and never had the time to finish. When she came back from her prom completely exhausted, she went straight to bed and I covered her with the blanket. When she woke up the next morning, she didn’t ask for hot cocoa – she asked for coffee. My third advice: They will grow up and become more independent, so you have to grow with them and change. The good thing about it is that you will find more time for yourself.

But as I was telling all of this to my own mother a few days later, I got no reply, just one distinctive look. And that’s when I realized the most important thing of all: They will grow up, and one day they will leave, but no matter how far they go, they will always come back to their parents.

• 0