Cover Photo: Painting by Emily Metcalf
Painting by Emily Metcalf

A Beautiful Spring

"I quit my job and recovered a record player and a record collection from my Dad’s closet."

It has been a beautiful spring. It has been incredibly difficult, ravaging, explosive, frightening, crazy, obstinate, jolting and nullified. I have recently emerged from what I call a psychotic break, a time of mood swings, anger, tears and hardship. I have experienced several of these in my life, and I am very grateful that I did not have to check in to the psyche ward this time around. Basically my break constituted of the month of April, 2016, including the tail end of March. My family and friends have been very supportive, and I am ever grateful for this place that I live, the true beauty of the landscape and the people of Lopez Island, and for peace, which I feel that I have found once again.

I managed to not break any windows, I managed to not bang my head against the wall, though I did bruise my hand once and threw a good many things. I reorganized my house several times, spent a bunch of money I didn’t have, and perpetually lost my glasses. I drove crazily and sporadically, and at my worst moment got my truck stuck in a friend’s yard and then broke into his neighbor’s bus.

I smoked a million cigarettes and listened to lots and lots of music. I quit my job and recovered a record player and a record collection from my Dad’s closet. Not all of it was bad, in fact, many good things came about this last month (like a connection with an old friend), but all of it was unpredictable, nonsensical, random, hard to track, and honestly frightening for myself and those around and close to me.

Bottom line, I feel understood. I managed to not hurt myself or others. I connected with some new people, others that have been hurt and are struggling. I found a new counselor, my doctor is a champ, and I have come out alive. I am okay.


Emily's book "Glass Slippers: A Journey of Mental Illness" is available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online, and at Lopez Bookshop (Lopez, WA).  Blogger at [Creativity, Spirituality, Mental Illness] @moonflickerstone