Cover Photo: 8/24/19 | Hurts by Kurt Daniel
 

8/24/19 | Hurts

It hurts to breathe

Nowadays.

The stifling grip of my loneliness

Is a deafening reminder of my failure at love.

Amidst my successes

Lays a quiet but powerful voice

That reminds me of my own worth

Or lack thereof.

As I get closer to top of this mountain

It gets more quiet,

I become more isolated

And I realize just how alone I am.

I’m happy

Most of the time.

But sometimes I’m sad

And feel like I’m destined to never find the love I search for.

I’m surrounded by others’ happiness

Only to be left by my own devices

And solitude.

I can keep myself company

For as long as it takes,

But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared

That my loneliness will linger for the rest of my life.

Why is it so hard to find the genuine,

The loving,

And the whole parts of another?

I wasn’t raised to be weak

But it gets more and more difficult

Wearing this armor

And putting up the walls

That I so desperately want to tear down.

I knocked them down a few times before

Only to be left to pick up the pieces

And rebuild the wall.

And each time, I built it a little bit stronger,

Then the time before.

Tell me,

Does it get exhausting

Wasting your breath and motions on the false pretenses of another?

It hurts to breathe

Nowadays

Maybe somedays

But hopefully not all days.

Philadelphia.